The Best Garlic Bread Ever

I fucking love bread. Who doesn’t? And I’d eat garlic bread as a meal all by itself if I could. But I’m an “adult” and I can’t. And while garlic bread isn’t expensive necessarily, I do love buying in bulk and freezing.

So enter Costco, my favorite place to spend 2 hours on a Sunday. They have a pack of two fresh baguettes for like $4.99. I usually grab two, because they freeze really well.

Like seriously, you just cut these baguettes in half and wrap them in tin foil and toss them in the freezer. When you’re ready, you can take them out and defrost them in the microwave in like 30 seconds. It’s amazing. And you get basically two loaves out of one baguette, which is a lot of damn bread. I love it.

Garlic bread is seriously the easiest side to add to any meal. Spaghetti, sure. But also like any pasta, steak, chicken, pork, you name it. It’s just the best. AND you know exactly what’s in it so you can make it healthier if you want (like use less butter or salt, or a different kind if you prefer).

Make this bread immediately

So go get you somma dat Costco bread – or any French baguette works – and get started.

Cut the bread in half and freeze one for later if you want. If you’re entertaining or cooking for a large group (or you’ve had one of those fucking days and you need it all for yourself, no judgement), feel free to do the whole baguette. You’ll just double down on the spread for the whole thing.

Then cut it hotdog style. That may be a Midwest thing to say, so I apologize if you don’t get that. It basically means length wise or whatever-the-fuck it is. Cut the half in half. Shit.

Once you got the bread prepped, it’s time to get the spread ready. Oh and you may want to preheat that oven to 400°.  For the spread, you’ll want to use 1 stick of softened butter to start. You don’t necessarily leave it out on the counter to soften, I usually put it in the microwave for 10 seconds or so and call it good. Just make sure it’s not melted. You want spreadable butter. Adding some olive oil to the butter will make it spread more easily.

Now you’ll add the good stuff.

All these ingredients are added to your taste. I have some arbitrary measurements in the recipe, but adjust them to fit your needs/likes. I use kosher sea salt because it’s what I have on hand and I also use minced garlic and dried parsley because it’s easy. If you want to fucking mince your own garlic and add fresh chopped parsley, knock your fucking socks off, man. Does my way still taste great? Fuck yes it does.

Add that shit to your softened butter spread and mix it thoroughly.

Now it’s time to spread that on yo bread. I slather the shit out of that bread because that’s how I like it. You do you, though. Just make sure to evenly cover the tops of both sides. You don’t want anyone grabbing an unbuttered piece and then thinking you’re a cheap ass who just warmed up plain bread.

Once you got that bread buttered, you pop that shit in the oven for 10 minutes at 400°. I use a foil-lined baking sheet because as the butter melts, it likes to leak out a bit. Then it kinda pools around the bottom of the bread and gets crispy and delicious and my mouth is watering just thinking about it right now.

Once that bread is done, take it out and slice it up. Serve it with literally any meal you want. It’s great. People will compliment the shit out of you and your homemade garlic bread. They will think you’re some kind of Martha Stewart wannabe and they’ll ask when your Food Network show debuts. Trust me.

Seriously, when I was taking these pictures I couldn’t even fucking wait two minutes to take the goddamn picture to eat two pieces. Seriously, I have a bread problem and that problem is that this garlic bread is so fucking good it’s ridiculous.

Steal this:

Best Garlic Bread Ever

Better than store-bought garlic bread and cheaper. And also super easy.
Prep Time 10 mins
Cook Time 10 mins
Course Side Dish
Cuisine Italian
Servings 4 servings

Ingredients
  

  • 1 stick Unsalted Butter
  • 1/2 tbsp Olive Oil
  • 1 tbsp Minced Garlic
  • Parsley to taste
  • 1 loaf French Baguette
  • Salt to taste

Instructions
 

Prepare the bread

  • Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.
  • Cut the baguette sandwich style (down the middle, making a top and bottom half).
  • You can use an entire loaf or freeze half the baguette for later.

Prepare the spread

  • Soften 1 stick of unsalted butter, either on the counter or in the microwave. Do not melt the butter.
  • In a small bowl, add the olive oil to help make the butter spreadable.
  • Add in the minced garlic, salt, and parsley. All the amounts can be adjusted to your taste.
  • Stir until mixed thoroughly.
  • Place bread halves on a foil-lined baking sheet.
  • Evenly spread butter mixture over baguette halves, making sure to cover the bread as much as possible.
  • Place the bread spread side up in the oven and bake for 10 minutes, or until the bread is golden and crunchy.
Keyword garlic bread
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Fucking Dynamite Chicken Teriyaki Kabobs

I have never called myself an excellent cook. As a single lady, that Kraft blue box and I were tight as fuck. When I started dating HTB, he would occasionally cook for me and shit, that’s when I realized I needed to get my life together.

HTB had recipes, y’all. He had a box in his kitchen where he had actual plans to cook real food. I knew I had to step up my game and learn how to adult or HTB was going to find some other sucker to make pot roast for.

One night, we were trying to think of what to make for dinner and I checked the pantry/fridge. We had two chicken breasts, half a pineapple, a green pepper, a red pepper, and a bag of white onions. Seemed perfect for some kind of Hawaiian kabob thing, right?

I’m like “Babe, I’m gonna make some kabobs to do on the grill and they will be fucking amazing.”

I found a quick and dirty teriyaki sauce recipe online, but we didn’t have all the ingredients so I leaned on my improv and just made shit up hoping it would be good. Turns out it wasn’t bad. I also called my dad, because that’s what I do. He suggested marinading the chicken in the sauce for 30 minutes while getting everything else ready and soaking the bamboo skewers (that I thought were chopsticks in HTB’s cabinet) in water so they wouldn’t burn too much on the grill.

I made some white rice, HTB threw the shrimp on the barbie (or chicken kabobs on the grill, whatever) and Bob’s your uncle, we fucking nailed it.

I’ve since made some upgrades to this recipe. For one, I bought some bitchin’ metal skewers on Amazon that are way better than the chopsticks HTB had. I also added Polish Keilbasa to the mix and damn, good call me. It’s so damn quick and easy to make this dinner, we probably make it once a week in the summer.

Make some bomb-ass kabobs tonight:

Fucking Dynamite Chicken Teriyaki Kabobs

Prep Time 30 mins
Cook Time 12 mins
Course Main Course
Servings 4

Equipment

  • Grill

Ingredients
  

  • 2 lbs Boneless, skinless chicken breast
  • 1 package Polish kielbasa
  • 2 Medium green peppers
  • 2 Medium red peppers
  • 1 White onion
  • ½ Pineapple, cubed
  • ¼ cup Low-sodium soy sauce
  • 3 tbsp Brown sugar
  • 1 clove Garlic, minced
  • Pinch of salt and pepper
  • 1 tbsp Cornstarch
  • 1 tbsp Water

Instructions
 

  • For the marinade, combine soy sauce, brown sugar, garlic, salt, pepper, cornstarch, and water together and mix well. Cut the chicken breast into 1-inch cubes and place in a ziplock bag. Add in the marinade mixture and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes.
  • While the chicken is marinating, soak your skewers in a dish with water so they don’t burn on the grill. I use an 8x8 pan and fill it with a half-inch or so of water.
  • Prep the peppers by cutting them into about 1-inch square pieces. I quarter the onion and pull apart the layers. Cut the pineapple into chunks and slice the kielbasa evenly.
  • Assemble the kabobs: Thread the marinated chicken, peppers, onion, pineapple and kielbasa onto the soaked skewers.
  • Note: you can reserve some of the marinade before adding the chicken to brush onto the kabobs before putting them on the grill. I think they are pretty good without it, but you do you.
  • Grill the kabobs over medium heat for 10-12 minutes, turning occasionally, until the chicken is cooked through, the kielbasa is warmed and the veggies are softened.
  • Serve over rice
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Cold Brew Coffee

I am addicted to coffee and have been for several years now. I forced myself into this addiction. I hated coffee until I got my first real job and people would have “coffee meetings” where important shit would go down and I had to learn how to order coffee in a way that didn’t taste like coffee to me. Which was in the form of lattes. Which are fucking expensive.

Eventually, I transitioned to fancy coffee with fancy creamers when I started a job at a startup company. It was free and available in the office all fucking day. When I moved to another position at a difference startup, we were next door to a Starbucks and I became a Gold Member within like, 2 months. Not super financially sound, but fucking delish and at the point, a daily necessity.

Then when I made the bold decision to start a low-paid apprenticeship, which you can read all about here, I could no longer afford to buy fancy coffee and like a goddamn peasant, had to start making it at home.

I’ve never been a fan of hot coffee and though I discovered you could get Starbucks cold brew coffee at the grocery store, it was still too expensive for me so I started making my own cold brew at home and I never looked back. My splurge is on Silk Almond Milk Vanilla Creamer (which is the best shit ever) and sometimes fancy ground coffee but really, I can’t tell between a $3 Trader Joe’s bag of coffee and a $20 bag somewhere else. But hey, that’s just me.

I found a bomb-ass recipe for it that is super easy and delish.

So you’ll need a pitcher, your favorite coffee, and water. Easy as fuck. If you can ground the coffee yourself because you go to a fancy-ass grocery store, try to ground it as coarsely as possible. This helps brew stronger coffee if that’s what you’re in to.

Measure out 1 cup of ground coffee to add to the pitcher. This is some ratio-type shit so feel free to adjust as you like it. For me, I double-double down the ratio – meaning, for 1 cup of coffee, I add 8 cups of water. Mostly because I usually forget about the coffee on the counter for 12 hours or more. If you like your coffee super strong, use less water or more coffee or whatever. Mix it up to work for you.

Now the easy part: just cover it and leave it on the counter.

Seriously, you can basically forget it. I usually make it before bed and leave in on the counter overnight. Eight hours is good to shoot for but honestly, I don’t even start work until 10am usually, so you can leave it up to 12 hours. It’s fine (probably).

Once its steeped for long enough, you filter it out, just like normal fucking coffee. I have these mesh strainers that are amazing that I got on Amazon. They work super well. I place a coffee filter in the mesh strainer and filter that way. Yeah, I know that that seems tedious, but seriously having coffee grounds in your coffee is the worst, so I don’t fuck around.

It takes some time, but it’s worth it. The coffee will last for a week (or more, but I drink it fast) and tastes delicious. I use a cutesy glass mason jar dispenser like this one, but feel free to use whatever kind of pitcher you have.

And that’s it. Enjoy, my fellow caffeine addicts.

Cold Brew Coffee

Super easy and delicious cold brew coffee recipe.
Prep Time 10 mins
Cook Time 8 hrs
Course Breakfast, Drinks
Cuisine American
Servings 12 cups

Ingredients
  

  • 1 cup Ground Coffee Coarse ground (if possible)
  • 8 cups water

Instructions
 

  • In a large pitcher, add 8 cups of cold water to 1 cup ground coffee - the more coarsely ground, the better.
  • Cover the pitcher with a lid and let sit on the counter at room temperature for 8 hours. You can leave it up to 12 hours for stronger brewed coffee.
  • Place a coffee filter in a mesh strainer and strain the brewed coffee into a larger pitcher or container and refrigerate for up to 1 week.
  • Makes approximately 2 quarts
Keyword coffee, cold brew, easy, quick

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